Boost Communication to Boost Performance: Stop Taking Mistakes and Miscommunication Personally

And How to Avoid Missteps in the First Place

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Stress is at an all-time high. Layoffs, reorganizations, shrinking budgets, and the relentless push to “do more with less” have become everyday workplace realities. With them come fear-based power struggles, miscommunication, and the dreaded blame game. In my work, I see it repeatedly: conscientious, hard-working people taking on too much responsibility for situations that were never theirs to fix. They lose sleep, second-guess themselves, and replay conversations long after a problem is resolved—often because they've absorbed blame that doesn't belong to them.

This is where the phrase "This isn't mine" becomes powerful. It's a reminder to recognize what's in your control—and what isn't—and to stop carrying unnecessary responsibility for other people's choices, actions, or mistakes.

A Story That Says It All

A former colleague recently told me about cross-department miscommunication. Their team made a request based on another department's input. That department misunderstood the request and escalated it directly to the CEO, who was furious, because it went against a standing directive.

The error originated in the other department, but instead of taking ownership, their executive blamed my colleague. Even after the situation was clarified and my colleague's boss let it go, my colleague couldn't.

They lost a week of sleep, replayed every detail, and felt personally responsible for the fallout—even though they had communicated the objectives accurately. The real cause? The other department didn’t listen to or verify the details before passing them along. This is a classic “not yours to carry” moment. My colleague's only “fault” was caring too much and holding on too long.

How to Recognize What's Yours—and What Isn't

Here are some quick, practical steps you can take to stop absorbing blame and over-responsibility:

1. Write it down. Briefly describe what happened—for your eyes only. Writing helps you process the event and see it more clearly.

2. Sort the roles. Review your notes and identify your role, others' roles, and where the misunderstanding happened. This isn't about assigning blame—it's about clarity.

3. Decide what's yours. Do you need to take responsibility and address the issue? If not, consciously let it go.

4. Release it physically. Imagine taking off a heavy coat, ripping up a note with the problem written on it, or watching the worry dissolve into thin air. Use whatever imagery signals to your mind that the weight is gone.

5. Regain focus. If you need to work with others to get back on track, shift the conversation away from the mistake and toward solutions. I often ask, "What can we do to get this project back on track?" or "What do you need from me?" This works with both colleagues and clients.

"Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than hanging on." Eckhart Tolle

The Underrated Skill That Changes Everything

A key part of avoiding miscommunication is listening—both to others and to yourself. I once took an entire semester-long course on listening as part of my degree and later repeated listening training throughout my career in sales, marketing, and coaching. Active listening is rare, but it’s transformative. It can prevent misunderstandings before they happen and strengthen relationships inside and outside your organization. One of the most practical ways to reinforce listening is to summarize discussions and action items in writing—whether the meeting was formal or not. In my sales days, I always followed up client conversations with a written recap and clear next steps (if I didn't, my manager called me out). While there was always an emphasis in sales training to email a client a summary of discussions, the same focus wasn’t always put on practicing internal conversations. The same practice works wonders internally. It ensures everyone is on the same page and reduces the chance for blame later.

(Lastly, it's important to note that in most situations, people don't intend to cause misunderstandings nor stress in someone else. People are busy and often over burdened by their responsibilities and concerns. Issues tend to arise because of these distractions and not from some intention. This point is important to remember when one has a tendency to take responsibility for things that aren't theirs. That's why it is so important to sort this out first yourself so you can get things back on track without the weight of bad feelings. This is where a little grace towards yourself and others goes a long way!)

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Stephen Covey

Why This Matters

Understanding the difference between what's yours and what isn’t yours can save you from anxiety, sleepless nights, and unnecessary conflict. When you take responsibility only for your actions and emotions, set clear boundaries, and communicate well, you gain both peace of mind and the respect of others.

And if you need help letting go of what's not yours? I've guided many people through this using a combination of energy work, meditation, and objective coaching to help them release the habit of over-responsibility.

You don't have to carry what was never yours in the first place.

"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that is has taken place." George Bernard Shaw